You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
