no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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