he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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