his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
