would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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