I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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