I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
