she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize