Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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