Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
