I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
