I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
