i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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