Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
