I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
