yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
