thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
