But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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