note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
