the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
