I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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