why didn't you poke me back
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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