guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
