What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
