"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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