I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
