i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
My penis needs a shock collar
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
