chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He felt like a one man threesome
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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