Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize