They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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