After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
