I don't usually arrange sex via text message
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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