i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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