actually, I'm a sock model
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize