A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
