There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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