the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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