But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize