The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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