I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
