Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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