DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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