perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize