It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
