i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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