So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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