Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize