i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
