every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
