I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
