i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
