Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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