we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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