she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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