Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
