break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
