did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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