please come you make the beer taste better
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
