Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
