Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
