I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
