I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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