Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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