see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Houston, we have a blender
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
