I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
